How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and height of that home run you hit off Brad Lidge in the 2005 NLCS. You know, the one that is either still orbiting the Earth or lodged in a deep hole in the Earth’s crust along with Lidge’s self esteem.

I love thee to the level that you have brought the game of baseball. We really haven’t seen a player like you in the history of America’s oldest professional sport. Home-run hitters hit for low averages and have high strikeout rates. You are always among the league leaders in batting average, and often threaten to have more home runs than strikeouts in a season. Recent years have seen some singularly great athletes in their respective sports, and you are belong on a list with Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Peyton Manning.

I love thee for your consistency. No player in the history of baseball has started his career with as many consecutive seasons of 30+ HRs and 100+ RBIs. Your name has become a permanent fixture on the league leaders list for every conceivable offensive category, and there are no signs of this trend abating this year.

I love thee for the fact that you won the decade Triple Crown. Leading the NL from 2001-2009 in batting average, home runs and RBI is a remarkable feat. Only three other players have ever accomplished this feat: Rogers Hornsby, Ted Williams, and Stan Musial. That you accomplished this in the era of intense specialization makes it all the more astonishing. Hopefully you will give the MLB the first single-season Triple Crown winner since 1967, and the first in the NL since 1937.

I love thee for making sluggers believable again. While some may whisper steroids when they see you approach the plate, you hit 37 home runs your rookie year. You came into the league with the same figure you have today. It isn’t like you were initially a skinny outfielder in Pittsburgh and San Francisco who got jealous of the attention received by people involved in the 1998 home-run chase.

I love thee because you have never gotten upset about Barry Bonds’s impact on your own legacy. You finished second to Bonds in the MVP voting twice. It is easy to believe that you would be a five-time MVP before the age of 30 if it weren’t for Bonds’s chemical assistants.

I love thee for representing everything that is right in baseball. While most of the best young players in the MLB are just biding their time in arbitration until they can get the biggest payday possible from the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, or, god forbid, the Mets, you have stayed in St. Louis. While the Cardinals certainly aren’t small market, they are in the middle of the pack in terms of team salary, and you almost certainly took a discount to play in front of their fans.

I love thee for being the antithesis of the modern day sports star. While Tiger Woods has become the face of the philandering athlete, nobody seems to talk about your dedication to your family. You married your wife in 2000, taking in her daughter from a previous marriage who was born with Down syndrome. In a sports world in which over half of the players cheat on their wives, it is difficult to imagine any other potential star making that decision.

I love thee for keeping the Cardinals relevant on a yearly basis. St. Louis has been under .500 only once since you joined the team. Even though Big Mac was hitting steroid-fueled dingers all over Busch Stadium before you got to St. Louis, it was only after your arrival that the postseason became nearly a foregone conclusion.

Most of all, I love thee for being the best. There is no athlete that I would rather cheer for in modern sports. Nobody who so embodies admirable attributes like dedication, humility, and character. I’m joyous that you didn’t get drafted by the Yankees, because then I would have to find some illogical reason to hate you. Instead I get to love thee with all my breath; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after retirement.

*Inspiration drawn from Elizabeth Barrett Browning.