We are drawn toward learning about sex from a very early age. I’m sure you have childhood memories of playing doctor, looking at naked pictures in medical books, checking yourself out in the mirror, or looking up dirty words in the dictionary. Kids become aware of their penises and vaginas at a very early age, and many start masturbating before they even know what the word means—they’re just doing it because it feels good. As soon as kids realize that boys and girls are different, they want to explore these things with their friends, too: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!”

Considering how early our natural sexual instincts kick in, the guidance we receive on how to address these instincts and the responses to our questions arrive a too little too late. Why must parents and teachers dread when kids start asking about where babies come from? Sex is fun, interesting, and incredibly important to learn about in order to stay safe, optimize relationships, and maximize its potential benefits.

5C students told me tales of pretty standard sex education experiences. Most learned about puberty around fifth grade, delved into anatomical detail in middle school, and moved onto risks associated with sex in late high school. There, they discussed STIs (as one student said, “including a mentally scarring slide show that has left me unable to eat cauliflower”) and pregnancy. Some students’ education was abstinence-only; one person said, “If we signed our ‘abstinence cards,’ we got out of semester exams!” Some tactics were ineffective, such as handing out electronic babies to mimic teen parenthood (“Unfortunately, the dolls were a bit too cute, and the whole activity just incited baby fever among several of the popular girls”) while others were more unusual (“The teacher even encouraged us to taste the flavored condoms she brought us”). People rarely described their experiences as particularly enjoyable, helpful, or informative.

We all know that abstinence-only education is largely ineffective. Yet even more comprehensive sex education programs fall short. The timing of our education is dissociated: we learn about puberty while going through it and learn about the risks of sex after we start having it. Issues about sex besides STIs and pregnancy—communication problems, lack of pleasure, or sexual dysfunction—will come up throughout our lives, and we often feel vastly unprepared to deal with them because we were never educated about them. A few relatively simple changes could improve sex ed programs so that students are engaged and informed.

First, educators are sometimes dishonest and misleading when it comes to reporting statistics and risks. For example, I was always told that a woman could get pregnant using the pull-out method because pre-cum contains sperm. Yet I’ve recently read that if a man urinates after his last ejaculation, any leftover sperm will be washed out. Thus, when used correctly, the pull-out method is 96 percent effective, which is better than spermicide or a diaphragm. Also, educators report statistics about birth control failure rates in a confusing manner. Condoms are reported to be 98 percent effective when used correctly. I always thought this meant that two out of every 100 people who use a condom will get pregnant, when really this means that out of 100 couples who have sex an average of 100 times a year (using condoms correctly), two of the women will get pregnant within the year. And getting pregnant is statistically quite difficult. Ovulation and sex need to coincide, leaving about a five- or six-day window each month in which a woman can get pregnant. In reference to all of these issues, sex educators tend to grossly exaggerate the risks of intercourse.

Many schools also don’t acknowledge the existence of queer sex or queer issues, and if they do, it’s common to talk only about gays and lesbians, leaving out those who are questioning, bisexual, asexual, transgender, or transsexual. Educators are thus disregarding a significant chunk of the population, which may cause LGBTQ people to feel ignored. In an already intolerant world, it seems that addressing issues of intolerance or bullying and thinking critically about gay rights and queer relationships is of the utmost importance.

At the most basic level, sex ed needs to talk about sex itself. Secondary courses rarely discuss sex for pleasure: the clitoris, which exists solely for the purpose of female pleasure, is often either glossed over or not mentioned at all during discussions of anatomy. Sexual dysfuntions and partner issues also receive no attention.

Issues of sexual education are never cut-and-dry. If we are honest about the statistics involved in sex, will teens engage in more risky behavior? How effective are scare tactics, like slideshows of STI pictures or stories of teen parenting? Would talking about the positive aspects of sex cause teens to be more tempted to have it earlier? These questions will never be answered unless new methods are given a chance.

Our usual sex columnist will not be able to write a column next week. Therefore, we’re putting out the call again for submissions to sex@tsl.pomona.edu. Send your stories!