September 22, 2009

No One Wishes He Were an Oscar Myer Weiner

APSC President Jed Cullen ’10 called the meeting to order at 5:10 p.m. Cullen welcomed the senators to the meeting and hoped they enjoyed the meeting last week, which he may have missed in order to celebrate the 1341st anniversary of the assassination of Eastern Roman Emperor Constans II. He then initiated the meeting by calling for the senators to look over last week’s minutes. After a period of intense meditation, they determined that a certain “Myer” should have been “Meyer.” Everyone concurred, and there was widespread celebration. The senate then used its momentum to determine the difference between the EAC and the EQC. Eventually, the group, led by CEA Joanna Ladd ’10, realized one had more vowels.

Students Selecting Students to Select Students

Cullen then transitioned to the subject of the upcoming elections. He projected that the number of candidates will necessitate a runoff, but in the end everyone is a winner. Senior Class President Calvin Kagan then moved to place two students on the Study Abroad Committee. Vice President for Finance Kelly Schwartz ’10 asked Kagan to explain his rationale. Kagan said he was required to choose one boy and one girl, and one who had studied in an undeveloped country and one who had studied in a developed country. The girl had studied in three different countries, appropriately impressing all the senators. Needless to say, they unanimously approved Kagan’s choices. Cullen then proposed the senate discuss the Admissions Committee. After an awkward pause, Cullen reminded the senators that he needed someone else to move to discuss the issue. Schwartz did so, allowing Cullen to propose that the senate form a subcommittee consisting of Kagan, two senators and two students. Stewart said it seemed rather odd to select a student to select a student for the admissions committee—but the ASPC has to spend its time doing something. Regardless of his apprehension, though, Stewart, as well as all the other senators present, voted to approve Cullen’s proposal.

ASPC Spends Money

Schwartz then motioned to discuss the publication of the ASPC budget. She proposed the data become accessible to Pomona students, but not the ignorant masses. Cullen and Commisioner of Communications Than Volk ‘10 agreed that the ASPC ought to provide transparency, but that they were unsure of how to present the information. After much more agreeing, the senate voted not to vote on the subject.

Darts Don’t Kill People, Air Hockey Does

Inevitably, Cullen drew attention to the elephant in the room: that is, the Coop Arcade. Schwartz said that, according to data from Manager of Retail Services Brenda Schmit (who was nearly suspended from junior high for listening to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon”), students had checked out the Coop’s Wii only 10 times in the last two semesters. As an alternative, Schwartz proposed buying an air hockey table. Levy countered that air hockey is “loud and obnoxious.” Instead, he proposed that a dartboard be set up. In a similar vein, Kagan said, “You never know when an air hockey puck might fly off the table and poke your eye out.” Ash, however, said Big Brother’s no weapons policy meant there could be “no darts that stick in things.” Once again, the senate unanimously voted not to vote on the issue.

Will button making machines survive without Billy Mays?

Saving best for last, Cullen proposed the purchase of a button maker for Pomona–an idea emailed to him by a remarkably politically-minded student. With a twinge of envy, Cullen pointed out that Scripps had one. Volk said buttons sounded archaic. Ladd also said a button maker might waste not only ASPC’s money, but also metal and paper and kill whales and all that good stuff. But then a link on the email directed the senate to an online video. Although the video featured a close-up, instant replay of the button-making action, it lacked Billy Mays. Probably as a result, the senators remained reluctant, choosing to postpone the decision for another week.

Ominous conclusion

At this point, the senators moved to close the meeting, ejecting The Student Life’s reporter from the meeting, ostensibly in order to give themselves more freedom to discuss sensitive matters.